ooober

One question.. do you shout "Fore" ... ?

Just when you think you've had a great day, finished off by an amazing 4 -0 footy result for Liverpool...

You find out something reallllly realllly shite that brings you back down to earth:

One of my ex-step sons has been rushed in to hospital this evening with Appendicitis.

They are taking it out tonight.

What the hell causes that in a healthy, sporty, 14 year old lad?

And it is really strange how worried you can be about a child that isn't actually yours - but who you looked after and treated as your own for three years, until just under a year ago.

I know he will be OK x x

"A Muslim cop claims he was forced out of his job after officers poked fun at his beard" says The Sun.

I don't think there's anything racist about this at all.

He just really has got a hilarious beard. Without a moustache... which adds to the hilarity. And it is very think, and oddly shaped. Akin to a bad topiary bush outside someone's house.

Observe.

Wacko Jacko is trying to get hold of Jade to wish her well.

Do you think he wants to perhaps look after her kids or something?

;-)

If you were the lucky lucky lucky man who was married to the gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous Cheryl Cole... would you behave yourself and thank god every single second for the blessing?

Or would you keep getting in trouble? And keep on being a dick? Time and time again?

I'm all for the older men thing.

But perhaps it only works when you are my age... and not when you get to her age -- and he gets to his age:

Eeeeeek ...

One of my fave ever songs is Outstanding by The Gap Band:

I just happened to stumble across this really god-awful cover version, by none other than ex-footballer Andy Cole:

Very NOT oustanding.

As a fan of nice healthy foods, imagine my horror to learn the other night whilst I was away - that The Juzzster had procured a "Rustlers Microwave Chicken Burger", from Tesco.

Not just any "Rustlers Microwave Chicken Burger" .. but one from the bargain bin, with a reduced sticker on it.

After voicing my disgust to him down the phone, I was perfectly happy to let this go and just forget about the whole disgraceful episode. Until I opened the fridge this morning to get the butter. (Yes JD, I have bought us some new butter - at last.)

What do I see before me in the fridge?

THIS:

Remnant mayo sachets from his Minger Burger.

A number things run through my mind:

1) URGH what is that doing in MY fridge?

2) Is there not enough saturated fat in a Rustler's Minger Burger? Must added mayo x 2 be included?

3) Glad he hasn't eaten it with his burger, as he probably would die.

4) Why on earth has he kept it, to use another day ?!

5) Surely it should have been destroyed along with the wrapper of said Minger Burger?

Anyway -- note to JD: Never leave anything like that in my fridge ever again please.

I graced my parental abode with my presence tonight. Not to read my brother’s school diaries again, but to have tea and stay over as I am working in the Manchester office tomorrow.

My mother is quite posh, very ladylike, very composed, is a deputy head of a primary school, and never ever swears.

Until tonight.

She has some flights booked to the Florida Gulf Coast. Manchester to Atlanta, change planes, Atlanta to Tampa.

The airline have changed her itinerary so that the flight only gets in to Atlanta at 3pm, the connection to Tampa leaves at 4pm.

No way in hell will they make it off the plane, through passport control etc and on to the connecting flight. It just won’t happen.

She calls the airline to try and get them to rearrange. She doesn’t get very far as the office she needs to speak to is closed and the guy she does speak to can't help.

She hangs up the phone.

“Hmmph… French twat” she exclaims.

My jaw drops to the floor. I look at my father in disbelief. I look back at my mother. My mother who has never so much said “bugger” in front of me. She says “blinking” and “bloody” and that is about it. She reprimands me to this day for saying “crap”.

“French WHAT, mum!? I can not belieeeeeeeeve you just said that”

“Oh.. um.. I meant twit”

I was genuinely speechless. And I can not wait to tell my brother !!

*picks up phone to ring brother*